...

Been 'springcleaning' for the past few days...though its a pleasant *and oh so rare* 14 degrees outside SubhanAllah ... =)

Newho, the back of one's cupboard (or the half of one's shelving & wardrobe unit) can be a beautiful yet surreal, reminiscence-causing  area. The photographs, the keepsakes, the souvenirs and those no1-knows-i-saved-this items can hold an entire lifetime within them when you've not even lived half of your life =D..

Well, let's just say amidst all the sweet memories made & touching experiences had..there are the inevitable bunch of grand-hiccups down the road .. the let-me-sing-loudly-to-myself-to-forget-that-ever-happened twists to our otherwise sunny bright journey.. And when you've had your fair share of these hiccups, or are bombarded by them one after the other for a signficant amount of time......... you become a sort've of "nostalgia-phobe".
You begin to dread missing anything ... there's a whole lotta bitter in that jar of sweet.. the emo in you is heavier on the see-saw than you're happy-go-lucky side.... you're still living out the part where it'll all balance and become a "mixed bag" or a series of "ups and downs"..... it's still a waiting period & you'd much rather anticipate & hope for the result uphill than cherish the effort at the bottom.

No surprises if I can relate to any of that.. although thankfully, I seem to be gradually making peace with the entire bitter part and actually begin to enjoy it as the unique aftertaste to AMPLE sweet I've had in my life so far Alhamdulilah =)..

Here's some post-appropriate lyrics from "Yaad" by Shehzad Roy (which is his only piece that I like):

Yaad 

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Woh naey gilay woh shikayatein 

Woh maze maze ki hikayathein

Kabhi rooththe kabhi maanthe

Woh sitham kabhi woh inayathein

Mujhe sab hay yaad

Zara zara..

Mujhe sab hay yaad

Zara zara..

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Woh jo din thay kitnay ajeeb thay,

Haan bus aik se naseeb thay.

Kay judaa na houn yahi khauwf tha,

Kabhi hum bhi itna qareeb thay.

Woh jo waada meinay wafa kiya,

Woh jo waada meinay wafa kiya,

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

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....dewy memories aside, g'nite folks! ;)

A dear stranger indeed.

I've been on a journey of it all with you - the interests, the confessions, the heartfelt words, the genuine actions, the drama, the deceit, the lies, the justifications and now, the ending of a bond I was under the illusion existed. Might as well do the blog post =) This is Not a mental ranting that's bringing you shame or bringing me peace. Its a Record of all the words I would have said, had things not turned out the way they did, had you not become who you are and had you not made the choices you made.

I would have always wished you the best in life, for God to bless you with peace of mind and guidance towards true joy in this life and in the Eternal one.

I would have told you how much you are capable of achieving and all the good you have the potential to cause.
I would have hoped all your qualities make you create a wonderful presence in all the lives you know and love.

And with God as my witness, I still wish you all this and more.

I do not hate you for the choices you made.

But I do recognize you from these choices.  I recognize you for who you have become.

With a bond so intense, a relationship so close - with you and with my family - its inevitable that I figure things out gradually. You see the time I take to collect my thoughts as a lack of trust - What previous incident proves to you my disloyalty? When have I burdened you with dishonesty? Why must I recieve yours?

I cannot say that I'm sorry I'm more obliged to my loved ones then I'm to you. For I love them dearly, as I loved you, I did consider you family. But with the Almighty's grace, it is them I have a duty to love and protect. And I would make the same choice every time, God Willing.

Speaking of God, I called you "His cherished gift to me" once. No regrets. Just not the kind of gift I had foreseen. You have, single-handedly, taught me the meaning of the Hadith that says one shouldn't make a friend so close that they become an enemy.

Jazak Allah for every good intention you ever had towards me.

Good bye - Dear stranger,

May Allah bless you with the ability to chose the truth everytime. Ameen.