My demons & my muse.

I thought I may as well churn the cheesy-cheese.
Write about how I felt - for my own relief.

And how I felt wasn't that uplifting or nice,
Something of the sort you'd call "quiet a surprise."

It wasn't supposed to feel as uncomfortable as this,
What you didn't really have.. how could you miss?

I wasn't meant to breath this unknown air,
I'd rather lay my heart bare.

That it would leave a little lump in my throat,
That it would carve a fleshy hole.

I didn't see it coming & hitting me this hard,
Expectations only work to raise the bar.

There's no good that ever comes out of them,
Why dwell into what you don't comprehend?

I would be forced to seek another refuge,
Neglecting your ears to preserve my muse.

I yearn to know what in me you fight,
I need to know I'm in this right.

That my prose would be shoved away with a sweet sugar coat,
A whiff of arrogance in a praise-worthy note.

I do not expect it for I do intend to be fair,
Yet humanity presents in imperfections my share.

I do pray it never matters as much as this night,
That I'm forever awed by the days bright.

Sight

I don't know what's going wrong,
what is right.
In the craziest ride along,
I've held on tight.
A sense of where we belong,
hoping for an actual sight.
Praying with an urge so strong,
for there to be no..
...nightmare tonight.

Nightly Demons.

Two little demons haunted me last night. Here's the results of those mental conversations:

"Do's and Don'ts"

Don't blow me a kiss,
I'll spit it out.
Don't whisper to me,
Unless you wanna hear me shout.
Don't gaze into my limpid pools,
I'll drown you instead.
Don't express your sentiments,
Unless you wanna lose your head.
Don't bring me your inner-most wounds to heal,
Unless its a bullet you want to feel.

DO look away from this worthless being.
unless you wish to become a part of what you're seeing.

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"Who's to say?"

Is it just me or did the fog in my head just expand?
Must I really experience life first hand?
Time and again, I find myself searching for the pause button.
Couldn't the "show" go on with a drawn curtain?
They say change is constant - it has no end,
Heck, why must time be thus spent?
They say life can't be lived in a box shut tight,
but what if within it my peace lies?
I could keep questioning every turn, skip and step,
But who's to say what I'll love, what I'll regret.

In search..

Raised above the clouds,

Drenched by the tides,

Fluttering merrily about,

Diving dangerously deep.

Soaring through the skies,

Drowning in the seas,

In search of patience,

In search of our peace..

By the time ...

By the time you make space for my arrival, I'll have departed.
By the time you count the miles, I will have walked them.
By the time you make your way to this point, I will have well-settled in another.
By the time your eyes reflect the stars, I will have navigated by them far away.
By the time you bring the cure to my pain, I will have miraculously recovered.
By the time you send me some strength, I will have learnt to depend on no human.
Rightfully so, a lesson taught
                                           - by the time we've spent together.

A new day.

Oh mischievous Mr. Sun,
You do know, it's no longer fun,
To mock the brevity of  my size, 
or liken it to the span of my life.
To be mysterious - I can only see so little of you,
But your glow never fails to weave through,
my life & the highlights of my existence.
I loathe the dark-knightly-pretense,
of leaving me in bliss and peace,
so you can face the stormy seas, 
to reach over alone to the other end,
still looking over me with a moonly stance.
Realize, you can never make the two sides meet,
better yet - just retreat.
Come join me, in an eternal embrace.
Come float with me, in your soothing blaze.
Through the mesmerizing strands of your gold rays,
With the blinding beauty of your face
- You make my day start.
Mr. Sun, you have my heart.

Peaceful Chaos

The sun - like the center of a ripple in the sky. The blue outstretch drenched in its light, layered by the solid fluffs of the clouds. Clouds with personalities - the bold, opaque ones stubbornly block out the sun, to make known their pearly white. And wherever it can, the sun pierces through these layers, it's rays sharp and distinct with rage. 

They have a much easier time with the toddler-clouds - tiny and light, they surrender to the sun and bathe in its light. Orange flurries with strokes of amber and crimson - you could mistake them for mini-flames in the sky.

Up above, in the glistening chaos of the pearly whites and the mini-flames, you weave your way - a fish gliding through soothing rivers, bathed and refreshed. 
In this one chaotic instant, peace feels eternal.




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Dear Immensely-Large Audience, 

I seem to have finally hit  a jackpot of inspiration.. resulting in the above post and 2 more to come... (all based on the theme of the sun and clouds) spent two hours this morning - purely inspired , writing frantically - oh  s-weet joy i yearned for!! Alhamdulilah -here i go! =)

Gripping words for a Broken Heart...

"tu bacha bacha ke na rakh ise
tera aaina hai wo aaina,
ke shikasta ho to aziz-tr hai
nigah-e-aaina saz main"
 - Dr. Allama Iqbal.


Translation:
"Don't try to keep it protected,
your heart is that heart,
that if it's defeated, than it's more dear,
to the eyes of the Creator of the heart."


The heart has been metaphorically called a mirror and the Almighty the Creator of the mirror.

A Cig in the Rain.

A cig in the rain.
I'm yearning to be letting out the smoke.
I'm drenched instead.

A cig in the rain.
I'm yearning to keep my insides intact.
I'm crumbling away instead.

A cig in the rain.
I'm yearning to be picked up as a challenge.
I'm laying idle instead.

A cig in the rain.
I'm yearning to be inhaled from.
I'm being stepped on instead.

A cig in the rain - I.am.lost.

Run.

Thin ice cold blades scraping your skin - feel the wind rush past you.
Nerves impulses giving jerks to your skull - feel the thumping in your head.
The bones in your toes grind against the ground but bounce back up, in vain - feel the light feet you have right now.
Digging deeper into the soil, your legs wrench your guts along - wow, you're fast.
The ribs swing in half circles, right to left and back, dragging your arms along - feel your body pushing all odds away to move ahead.

It's only your eyes - the betrayers.
Sitting in their sockets, they watch the world glide past. They tell you the rest is only mechanical. A natural part of the effortless endeavour of running.
So you obey them and you run. Run like there would be no end to it. Run like its the genius idea for survival. You run not because your afraid. You run because you no longer want to be afraid.
You think.
Because then you slam into the glass! The sides of your imagination's dome. The bottom to your fantacy's pit. "The reality check."
You hate that phrase, don't you? Because you can't run anymore, you can't glide further away from the burden of existence, the consequence of your being.

It's the cold, dead end to your addiction to illusion.

You slam against it and no matter how deep your legs dig into the ground, your chest just presses harder against the glass.
And then you feel it.
The heart inside.
Stubbornly beating like a mad beast trying to break out of a cage. Over and Over. Crying out loud about the reality of it's existence. Pumping it's pain, to every inch of your body. Forcing you to recognize every cell as your own.
You see it too, as your vision blurs and blood rushes to your head, blocking out all sounds.

And then you feel them.
The lungs, striving to drag out the bad, absorb the good. Breathing in life to push away death.
You hear it too. Your own breath. Deep, hard, cold. Almost like you've got company.

As you regain a sense of the whole of your body, the feeling of existence kicks in.
The feeling like you deserve to settle for a while, rest your aching muscles, warm the pricking skin.

The sense of comfort makes you "realise" maybe it's not the end after all. Maybe it's OK.
Because come to think of it, if existence were really a burden, the Almighty wouldn't torture you with it. It's a Blessing He has bestowed out of His Love for you.
And you love Him too, right? So it's easy to do what you must (and more) out of Love for Him.

And if the Faith is just about as much as you fear it to be, the distance to the other end of this glass dome is a long stretch....
Run.