...

Been 'springcleaning' for the past few days...though its a pleasant *and oh so rare* 14 degrees outside SubhanAllah ... =)

Newho, the back of one's cupboard (or the half of one's shelving & wardrobe unit) can be a beautiful yet surreal, reminiscence-causing  area. The photographs, the keepsakes, the souvenirs and those no1-knows-i-saved-this items can hold an entire lifetime within them when you've not even lived half of your life =D..

Well, let's just say amidst all the sweet memories made & touching experiences had..there are the inevitable bunch of grand-hiccups down the road .. the let-me-sing-loudly-to-myself-to-forget-that-ever-happened twists to our otherwise sunny bright journey.. And when you've had your fair share of these hiccups, or are bombarded by them one after the other for a signficant amount of time......... you become a sort've of "nostalgia-phobe".
You begin to dread missing anything ... there's a whole lotta bitter in that jar of sweet.. the emo in you is heavier on the see-saw than you're happy-go-lucky side.... you're still living out the part where it'll all balance and become a "mixed bag" or a series of "ups and downs"..... it's still a waiting period & you'd much rather anticipate & hope for the result uphill than cherish the effort at the bottom.

No surprises if I can relate to any of that.. although thankfully, I seem to be gradually making peace with the entire bitter part and actually begin to enjoy it as the unique aftertaste to AMPLE sweet I've had in my life so far Alhamdulilah =)..

Here's some post-appropriate lyrics from "Yaad" by Shehzad Roy (which is his only piece that I like):

Yaad 

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Woh naey gilay woh shikayatein 

Woh maze maze ki hikayathein

Kabhi rooththe kabhi maanthe

Woh sitham kabhi woh inayathein

Mujhe sab hay yaad

Zara zara..

Mujhe sab hay yaad

Zara zara..

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Woh jo din thay kitnay ajeeb thay,

Haan bus aik se naseeb thay.

Kay judaa na houn yahi khauwf tha,

Kabhi hum bhi itna qareeb thay.

Woh jo waada meinay wafa kiya,

Woh jo waada meinay wafa kiya,

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

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....dewy memories aside, g'nite folks! ;)

Dudey's Doodles II

A doodle with an explanation.. a labelled illustration, if you will.

Also, this may not be how I look like in the real world, but as Morpheus explained to Neo in the Matrix: 

"Your appearance now is what we call "residual self image". It is the mental projection of your digital self." ;-)

Just Lose Yourself.

"I love [insert some action you love], I just lose myself in there".

How easily, how naively we tend to use that phrase. As if it means only the bad within us is capable of being lost, leaving behind the peace for us to enjoy. As if losing oneself is the best, most liberating feeling; should one find such an opportunity, it should be welcomed with open arms.
Does it always deserve the glory?
What about when you lose yourself unintentionally? Even if for a while - what if losing yourself is a direct effect of a bigger - even if better - purpose? What happens when you are so severely lost that you don't remotely resemble yourself? How do you console yourself when you're in tears for things you never felt? How do you justify your emotions in situations you never linked to your own frikkin' self ?
Is losing yourself really that awesome a sensation.. when it feels like everything good about you just walked away in one unanimous move? Is losing yourself really empowering when it disassembles your insides and takes away every shield - rendering you defenseless and meek?
When you don't see it coming, losing yourself can be more than mere joy.. like intense confusion, like excruciating amnesia, like a stormy chaos.
And for a bitter after taste.. the journey of figuring out what went wrong..

A new sight

It's this new sight you're giving me. This different vision I've never seen before. Like being blindfolded and learning to identify objects just by the feel of them - you teach different from what I know.

And even though you contradict my knowledge sometimes, give things a different name, I like the melody of how it works.. how we work within that time frame.. and I follow, I learn this.. all knew, I see it in a different view.

For these are just objects and there worth is nothing more. The worth of what I seek is a million-fold more vital.. I pray to make it eternal.. that's the background to whatever I see =)