Crisp.

The smell of fresh leaves,
the crisp sound of crushing old ones.
The mist in the air,
as it melts on my skin.

Its a routine we do,
Its ours till the end.
Its a feeling we make,
Its for us to live within.

Walking with a heavy head,
and sometimes light as air,
What is it that is wanted from us?
or from you? or from me?

Just silence and a little pain,
just noise and some joy.
A gulp and a breath,
to keep walking on.

Is it that's all there?
Is there more we're yet to see.
It seems a never-ending road,
or one that's just begun instead.

Haze in my head,
Dewy - my heart,
Quite - my mind,
They say its the perfect moment to pray.

...

Been 'springcleaning' for the past few days...though its a pleasant *and oh so rare* 14 degrees outside SubhanAllah ... =)

Newho, the back of one's cupboard (or the half of one's shelving & wardrobe unit) can be a beautiful yet surreal, reminiscence-causing  area. The photographs, the keepsakes, the souvenirs and those no1-knows-i-saved-this items can hold an entire lifetime within them when you've not even lived half of your life =D..

Well, let's just say amidst all the sweet memories made & touching experiences had..there are the inevitable bunch of grand-hiccups down the road .. the let-me-sing-loudly-to-myself-to-forget-that-ever-happened twists to our otherwise sunny bright journey.. And when you've had your fair share of these hiccups, or are bombarded by them one after the other for a signficant amount of time......... you become a sort've of "nostalgia-phobe".
You begin to dread missing anything ... there's a whole lotta bitter in that jar of sweet.. the emo in you is heavier on the see-saw than you're happy-go-lucky side.... you're still living out the part where it'll all balance and become a "mixed bag" or a series of "ups and downs"..... it's still a waiting period & you'd much rather anticipate & hope for the result uphill than cherish the effort at the bottom.

No surprises if I can relate to any of that.. although thankfully, I seem to be gradually making peace with the entire bitter part and actually begin to enjoy it as the unique aftertaste to AMPLE sweet I've had in my life so far Alhamdulilah =)..

Here's some post-appropriate lyrics from "Yaad" by Shehzad Roy (which is his only piece that I like):

Yaad 

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Woh naey gilay woh shikayatein 

Woh maze maze ki hikayathein

Kabhi rooththe kabhi maanthe

Woh sitham kabhi woh inayathein

Mujhe sab hay yaad

Zara zara..

Mujhe sab hay yaad

Zara zara..

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Woh jo din thay kitnay ajeeb thay,

Haan bus aik se naseeb thay.

Kay judaa na houn yahi khauwf tha,

Kabhi hum bhi itna qareeb thay.

Woh jo waada meinay wafa kiya,

Woh jo waada meinay wafa kiya,

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

....dewy memories aside, g'nite folks! ;)

My demons & my muse.

I thought I may as well churn the cheesy-cheese.
Write about how I felt - for my own relief.

And how I felt wasn't that uplifting or nice,
Something of the sort you'd call "quiet a surprise."

It wasn't supposed to feel as uncomfortable as this,
What you didn't really have.. how could you miss?

I wasn't meant to breath this unknown air,
I'd rather lay my heart bare.

That it would leave a little lump in my throat,
That it would carve a fleshy hole.

I didn't see it coming & hitting me this hard,
Expectations only work to raise the bar.

There's no good that ever comes out of them,
Why dwell into what you don't comprehend?

I would be forced to seek another refuge,
Neglecting your ears to preserve my muse.

I yearn to know what in me you fight,
I need to know I'm in this right.

That my prose would be shoved away with a sweet sugar coat,
A whiff of arrogance in a praise-worthy note.

I do not expect it for I do intend to be fair,
Yet humanity presents in imperfections my share.

I do pray it never matters as much as this night,
That I'm forever awed by the days bright.

A new day.

Oh mischievous Mr. Sun,
You do know, it's no longer fun,
To mock the brevity of  my size, 
or liken it to the span of my life.
To be mysterious - I can only see so little of you,
But your glow never fails to weave through,
my life & the highlights of my existence.
I loathe the dark-knightly-pretense,
of leaving me in bliss and peace,
so you can face the stormy seas, 
to reach over alone to the other end,
still looking over me with a moonly stance.
Realize, you can never make the two sides meet,
better yet - just retreat.
Come join me, in an eternal embrace.
Come float with me, in your soothing blaze.
Through the mesmerizing strands of your gold rays,
With the blinding beauty of your face
- You make my day start.
Mr. Sun, you have my heart.

A new sight

It's this new sight you're giving me. This different vision I've never seen before. Like being blindfolded and learning to identify objects just by the feel of them - you teach different from what I know.

And even though you contradict my knowledge sometimes, give things a different name, I like the melody of how it works.. how we work within that time frame.. and I follow, I learn this.. all knew, I see it in a different view.

For these are just objects and there worth is nothing more. The worth of what I seek is a million-fold more vital.. I pray to make it eternal.. that's the background to whatever I see =)

Happy New Year :)

Yes, for those of you who think I'm a little ahead of the times, I don't mean the upcoming new year on the BC calender but the Islamic New Year! An addition to count of the Hijri.. In remembrance of a Great Journey, made by the Greatest of People, the Beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAWS)... 1434 years ago, He migrated to the City of Madinah to spread the message of His Lord. May the Almighty guide us towards a life based on his principles and Sunnahs. Amin.

Beginning the New Year with a fresh approach: Been facing some fears this past week that require my sole reliance on the Almighty... a strong faith basically.. So the added perspective to that is:

I'm in the hands of the Almighty,

One of His Many Mesmerizing Creations is This: 

I'm Gonna Be Fine  ;) 

Crispy

Fresh and frozen, the memories are just another reminder of a new day.
It's a commitment, true, to get through as you want, but actions do Really speak louder than words.
And at the end of the day, the actions are what will matter. You can write up a whole album of songs for me but you need to get the melody right, with your practice and dedication - music to my ears.

Of Fantasies and Philosophies...

I don't have too many... Fantasies and Philosophies. Well at least not as many as an average girl my age, I assure you. 

But thanks to these pair of eyes, pretty long lashes and all, that have floated into my world.. there seems to be one constant fantasy I keep dreaming up... a world I find myself wishing for. 

A world where there are windows to people's hearts. No not doors, just windows. So once in a while you can peep and see how the heart's feeling.. once in a while someone can show you how you've changed theirs. You can not walk into the heart so you don't know why it's feeling that way (reasons bring the confusion rite?! :D) ..but you can just see how it looks on the outside.

What's the philosophy behind this fantasy? You see some of us non-verbal folks out here.. are completely incapable of ever conveying exactly how they feel.. to someone they want to tell it to. No I don't mean the usual film-like confession of love or so... But genuine feelings that aren't necessarily logical or have words. Feelings that can only be felt... like moments that pass on from one heart to another. 

Now some folks would say it'd be too easy.. it would become too common a practice to show someone they made you joyful or hurt you.. it would mean people would stop using words. 

But to me.. it seems like if people could see other's hearts change and hurt or heal.. they'd be a lot more careful.. they'd be a lot more responsible for what they share or hide.. they'd be less effort in finding the right words and more effort doing the right deeds. And of course, you could have the choice of closing the window shut to certain folks.. it won't be like carrying your heart on your sleeve.. Just those few people you think deserve to see your heart maybe because they've left a deep scar or a lingering glow.. they could see what they'd done.. it would be an honest transparency for them to accept. 

And imagine the intense loyalty when some one would open the window to their heart.. for you..it would feel so like an honour..

I actually did dream this up for myself....a complete picture of floating windows and hearts within.. i dreamt it just because of these certain ever-mesmerizing eyes.. the purely amazing heart that accompanies these eyes..deserves a view of how brilliantly it makes my day... just by it's existence.

-----------------------------------------------

{Alhamdulilah}  

Constantly Wow. Consecutively Amazing.

It's Constant.. that's the most creepy yet utterly delightful aspect to it.. That's the most risky yet absolutely significant proof.. it's Much more constant than anything I've witnessed in my life... so very Constant... you know how vulnerable that makes me right?!
Over and over again I find it exactly where it should be. Over and over again it dawns upon me where it stands... constantly, I'm amazed. Constantly, I thank God. Every single time I look, I see it right there.. next to me.. there for me.. Constantly I'm surprised.. constantly pleased.. constantly loving every bit of it.
If you really know me, you'd say I'm Not someone who leaves things to chance or probabilities.. heck, I've this utter need to find the sense in every little feeling of mine.. the logic, the reasoning..
But with this constant aspect.. I just realize it, every single time I realize some more, it hits me how far I've come.. how on it's own, it's made an unmatched impression in me.. a mark, the depth of which I just keep realizing a little more every day.. constantly.
And slowly... ever so gradually.. I'm learning to trust this realization.. to trust that whatever I may realize can constantly be a good thing.. can consecutively be an advantage after another... I'm learning to trust it just as much as I trust all my reasons and explanations.. I'm learning to hold on to the constant..
You know what all of it boils down to?!.. How soon a vulnerability can turn into a right. Wow, I just wrote that here.

Ears of love...

My two-cents about love have respect embedded all over them. Respect for the other person is just as about important as trusting them. And within this realm of respect the one most important thing, in my head, is to really listen to what someone says not just hear them. 

Listening makes you know the person, just hearing them makes you know about them. Major difference.. 

Listening means you respect the person's words, they are worthy enough to consider and think over when you hear them..

Listening needs the respect to help the other person convey what they mean to say, not what you want to hear.. 

These two-cents tossed down the creative chute led to the above picture. 

Ears are to the heart, what listening is to love. Essential.

Today's Coffee Break Piece:

Wax Vision.

Gripped by the heat,
It feels the particles drifting apart.
Knowing it's lack of solidarity,
The wax submits, melts just as far.

Poured in to the mould,
It let's the shape define it to the core.
No longer clinging to its soul,
Lo and Behold!

It's a candle.
Standing tall as it's structure will allow.
At the height of it's beauty for now.

The colour, the scent, the glory,
Embracing peace after fury.
Here's where it's begun to belong,
Forgetting this isn't for long.

For here comes the fire,
with poison burning in it's flame.
Taking away all that's to admire,
bringing it to shame.

It melts.
In it's reality it dwells.
The journey from the wick to below
It's humbled and it has to flow.

At the bottom, it waits.
Thinks over it's traits.
Realizes it's destiny: change.
Feels the lack of it to be strange.

That is when the wax justifies,
with what within it lies,
it's reason to be a candle.
The appearance is a mere scandal,
Colour, scent, light - all added to the raw.
No - now on it's true strength it must draw.

Change - it's strength, destiny or chance.
The wax must change to take the stance,
that will return it to dignity and pride.
That will give it a new life.

It let's in the cold air.
laying every particle bare.
till it's settled to the truth,
becoming the solid it could.


......


As I see it, change is a fact.
To it, ideally I don't always react.
For, in change we reflect on what we really need.
With it we plant in our being, a doubt's seed.

I know now. I have no doubt.
Whether I stand in glory or burn out.
All I need, is those eyes,
that reflect what within me lies.
That show me the wax I always had,
To accept change, good or bad.

These eyes, destiny has made me see,
Let the changes around me run free.

In these eyes, not mine,
I see the wax in me shine.
I see the changes I can make,
I see the changes as my fate.

So all I need and all I should,
Look into these eyes,
and I'm good.