Crisp.

The smell of fresh leaves,
the crisp sound of crushing old ones.
The mist in the air,
as it melts on my skin.

Its a routine we do,
Its ours till the end.
Its a feeling we make,
Its for us to live within.

Walking with a heavy head,
and sometimes light as air,
What is it that is wanted from us?
or from you? or from me?

Just silence and a little pain,
just noise and some joy.
A gulp and a breath,
to keep walking on.

Is it that's all there?
Is there more we're yet to see.
It seems a never-ending road,
or one that's just begun instead.

Haze in my head,
Dewy - my heart,
Quite - my mind,
They say its the perfect moment to pray.

...

Been 'springcleaning' for the past few days...though its a pleasant *and oh so rare* 14 degrees outside SubhanAllah ... =)

Newho, the back of one's cupboard (or the half of one's shelving & wardrobe unit) can be a beautiful yet surreal, reminiscence-causing  area. The photographs, the keepsakes, the souvenirs and those no1-knows-i-saved-this items can hold an entire lifetime within them when you've not even lived half of your life =D..

Well, let's just say amidst all the sweet memories made & touching experiences had..there are the inevitable bunch of grand-hiccups down the road .. the let-me-sing-loudly-to-myself-to-forget-that-ever-happened twists to our otherwise sunny bright journey.. And when you've had your fair share of these hiccups, or are bombarded by them one after the other for a signficant amount of time......... you become a sort've of "nostalgia-phobe".
You begin to dread missing anything ... there's a whole lotta bitter in that jar of sweet.. the emo in you is heavier on the see-saw than you're happy-go-lucky side.... you're still living out the part where it'll all balance and become a "mixed bag" or a series of "ups and downs"..... it's still a waiting period & you'd much rather anticipate & hope for the result uphill than cherish the effort at the bottom.

No surprises if I can relate to any of that.. although thankfully, I seem to be gradually making peace with the entire bitter part and actually begin to enjoy it as the unique aftertaste to AMPLE sweet I've had in my life so far Alhamdulilah =)..

Here's some post-appropriate lyrics from "Yaad" by Shehzad Roy (which is his only piece that I like):

Yaad 

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Woh naey gilay woh shikayatein 

Woh maze maze ki hikayathein

Kabhi rooththe kabhi maanthe

Woh sitham kabhi woh inayathein

Mujhe sab hay yaad

Zara zara..

Mujhe sab hay yaad

Zara zara..

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Woh jo hum mein tum mein qarar tha,

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Woh jo din thay kitnay ajeeb thay,

Haan bus aik se naseeb thay.

Kay judaa na houn yahi khauwf tha,

Kabhi hum bhi itna qareeb thay.

Woh jo waada meinay wafa kiya,

Woh jo waada meinay wafa kiya,

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Jo na mit sakey wahi pyar tha

Tumhe yaad ho k na yaad ho.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

....dewy memories aside, g'nite folks! ;)

Around the house!

Continuing from the previous post, being home has its advantages.. you finally get down to completing those half-done diy projects, here are some of mine:

Part of a wall-mural I made.. Some of the butterflies are popping out cuz they've been stuck on, while others have been painted =]

A runner-and-seat-cover set I fashioned from some scrap cloth.

Canvas wall hangings, also fashioned from scrap cloth.

Oooh (off topic) and a butterfly stopped by our house the other day =D

A pillow case I stitched recently.. Scrap Cloth diy again.

Have been cooking loads lately so maybe I should be starting a "Dudey's Kitchen" Series ;)

Around town!

Been cooped up in the house for too long, here's a few out and about pics from my world:

A tiny fountain at the Abu Dhabi Corniche, that's absolutely lovely in the winters.

A dash of red amidst all the city-grey..

Rare, abstract sign art in Auh.

Driving into the Sunshine =D .. Dubai-Abu Dhabi Highway..

That's one long title for a movie! (in Malayalam I believe)

A construction site being fitted with designer panels that look like wedding brides with veils.

Quirky, damn-expensive socks I discovered while gift-shopping.

Quote plates at Gulf Greetings.

Quote plate with a point! (Gulf-Greetings)

I really like this teddy and he appears here as a stuffed toy.. with barely any eyes so he's almost Halal i guess =D

Creative advertising, much?

Genuinely cute trolley bag I discovered, at a tiny shop, near my place.

Dudey's Doodles II

A doodle with an explanation.. a labelled illustration, if you will.

Also, this may not be how I look like in the real world, but as Morpheus explained to Neo in the Matrix: 

"Your appearance now is what we call "residual self image". It is the mental projection of your digital self." ;-)

Nightly Demons.

Two little demons haunted me last night. Here's the results of those mental conversations:

"Do's and Don'ts"

Don't blow me a kiss,
I'll spit it out.
Don't whisper to me,
Unless you wanna hear me shout.
Don't gaze into my limpid pools,
I'll drown you instead.
Don't express your sentiments,
Unless you wanna lose your head.
Don't bring me your inner-most wounds to heal,
Unless its a bullet you want to feel.

DO look away from this worthless being.
unless you wish to become a part of what you're seeing.

-------------------------------------------------------------

"Who's to say?"

Is it just me or did the fog in my head just expand?
Must I really experience life first hand?
Time and again, I find myself searching for the pause button.
Couldn't the "show" go on with a drawn curtain?
They say change is constant - it has no end,
Heck, why must time be thus spent?
They say life can't be lived in a box shut tight,
but what if within it my peace lies?
I could keep questioning every turn, skip and step,
But who's to say what I'll love, what I'll regret.

Dudey's Doodles I

A Dizzy Daze..

Round and round.. here's the spin.  I grab on tight till the very end. The floor goes up, the ceiling dives down. The whole wide world whirls around.
And when it stops, I smash into the glass. A pounding heart but silence atlast! The slide down, ever-so-soothing. Like flowing water, like dripping ink.

Not everlasting, its just a phase. Not a chaos, I'm in a dizzy daze.

In search..

Raised above the clouds,

Drenched by the tides,

Fluttering merrily about,

Diving dangerously deep.

Soaring through the skies,

Drowning in the seas,

In search of patience,

In search of our peace..

Destiny and meaning.

So there are times you feel life has no direction and everything is all over the place, everywhere.. EXCEPT where it should be. Then there are times you don't care, bow ur head n just keep walking through it. Turns out, there are also times where destiny gives you a tiny wake up call for majorly meaningful stuff coming up. It needs you to start paying attention.

I won't dive into cosmic calculations and meteorological meaning here but long story short - i got one of those wake up calls today. It's amazing how life works.. things falling out and in place, events unfolding in the weirdest ways.. I don't mean this in an unpractical optimistic way. It's the reality - things occur in a mystical manner, pieces don't fit and then those very pieces mold themselves into new ones.... and before you know you have new meaning to life. 

Courtesy Destiny. It means a lot.

By the time ...

By the time you make space for my arrival, I'll have departed.
By the time you count the miles, I will have walked them.
By the time you make your way to this point, I will have well-settled in another.
By the time your eyes reflect the stars, I will have navigated by them far away.
By the time you bring the cure to my pain, I will have miraculously recovered.
By the time you send me some strength, I will have learnt to depend on no human.
Rightfully so, a lesson taught
                                           - by the time we've spent together.

Peaceful Chaos

The sun - like the center of a ripple in the sky. The blue outstretch drenched in its light, layered by the solid fluffs of the clouds. Clouds with personalities - the bold, opaque ones stubbornly block out the sun, to make known their pearly white. And wherever it can, the sun pierces through these layers, it's rays sharp and distinct with rage. 

They have a much easier time with the toddler-clouds - tiny and light, they surrender to the sun and bathe in its light. Orange flurries with strokes of amber and crimson - you could mistake them for mini-flames in the sky.

Up above, in the glistening chaos of the pearly whites and the mini-flames, you weave your way - a fish gliding through soothing rivers, bathed and refreshed. 
In this one chaotic instant, peace feels eternal.




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Dear Immensely-Large Audience, 

I seem to have finally hit  a jackpot of inspiration.. resulting in the above post and 2 more to come... (all based on the theme of the sun and clouds) spent two hours this morning - purely inspired , writing frantically - oh  s-weet joy i yearned for!! Alhamdulilah -here i go! =)

A new sight

It's this new sight you're giving me. This different vision I've never seen before. Like being blindfolded and learning to identify objects just by the feel of them - you teach different from what I know.

And even though you contradict my knowledge sometimes, give things a different name, I like the melody of how it works.. how we work within that time frame.. and I follow, I learn this.. all knew, I see it in a different view.

For these are just objects and there worth is nothing more. The worth of what I seek is a million-fold more vital.. I pray to make it eternal.. that's the background to whatever I see =)

Flippin' Me

Dudey's heart is a grain in the hourglass. 

It keeps flipping back and forth between the two halves - in the future waiting to become present or in the past buried by the present. 

It keeps floating up and down - in the peaceful solitude or in the distrusting isolation.

It keeps being turned around - a new direction, a new era, a new emotion every time. 

Wax Vision.

Gripped by the heat,
It feels the particles drifting apart.
Knowing it's lack of solidarity,
The wax submits, melts just as far.

Poured in to the mould,
It let's the shape define it to the core.
No longer clinging to its soul,
Lo and Behold!

It's a candle.
Standing tall as it's structure will allow.
At the height of it's beauty for now.

The colour, the scent, the glory,
Embracing peace after fury.
Here's where it's begun to belong,
Forgetting this isn't for long.

For here comes the fire,
with poison burning in it's flame.
Taking away all that's to admire,
bringing it to shame.

It melts.
In it's reality it dwells.
The journey from the wick to below
It's humbled and it has to flow.

At the bottom, it waits.
Thinks over it's traits.
Realizes it's destiny: change.
Feels the lack of it to be strange.

That is when the wax justifies,
with what within it lies,
it's reason to be a candle.
The appearance is a mere scandal,
Colour, scent, light - all added to the raw.
No - now on it's true strength it must draw.

Change - it's strength, destiny or chance.
The wax must change to take the stance,
that will return it to dignity and pride.
That will give it a new life.

It let's in the cold air.
laying every particle bare.
till it's settled to the truth,
becoming the solid it could.


......


As I see it, change is a fact.
To it, ideally I don't always react.
For, in change we reflect on what we really need.
With it we plant in our being, a doubt's seed.

I know now. I have no doubt.
Whether I stand in glory or burn out.
All I need, is those eyes,
that reflect what within me lies.
That show me the wax I always had,
To accept change, good or bad.

These eyes, destiny has made me see,
Let the changes around me run free.

In these eyes, not mine,
I see the wax in me shine.
I see the changes I can make,
I see the changes as my fate.

So all I need and all I should,
Look into these eyes,
and I'm good.

Survivals History

A very Brief history of Dudeyyy's Survival would include the following words and the era's in her survival, that they refer to:

Sumo Wrestler - 1989 -1995
Pampered Adventurous Brat - 1996 - 2001
Dude - 2001 - 2009
System Restart - 2009-2010
Dudeyyy - 2010 onwards..

Some of these era's overlap, but the general categorization can be thus.
Further elaboration of these phases may come up in the course of her survival story.

At present, Dudeyyy may have to give up her identity within the next 24 hours.
And this is a desperate attempt to hold on to it.