Vortex

I'm a permanent resident of the vortex, aren't I?! =D (and apparently that's funny to me now =/ , stupid woman).. I do travel to other more stable parts that seem like I have it all figured out but no sooner have I settled there, that I'm thrown back to the center of the Vortex! .. back to thinking What The Frikkin' Hell is my life tryina do?! .. it's like my life's a bull. No really, a bull with it's horn's stuck in a wooden door and it's just kicking the ground wondering why the direction of it's journey isn't visible...
Wow that just made a lot of sense Dudey, thanks for sharing it with your gazillion readers..
No there was a reason behind the urge to share this.... the reason being that this vortex feeling is taking over me in a very weird way.. like every little milestone I reach, every little achievement I make... is just that. I don't seem to be feeling the sincerity in it... seems like an "oh- that-just-had-to-turn-out-that-way" thing.. it's kinda sad cuz somethings Are sincere.. some people Are sincere.. some achievements Are worth it... but I just seem to be kinda watching from the sidelines.. watching my own life from the sidelines? now how does that happen for an independent adult.. anyways.. point being, my heart's slowly beginning to move away from the apparent "spice" of life... Every time I return to this center of chaos I realize I couldn't be less bothered.. Everything turns into a big ...so What?! so What's the Big Deal?!
Which hurts.. simply because..there are other people involved.. who're doing their best to make it the big deal it is... and their love and their sincerity is just sitting on it's own wondering What the Frikkin Hell is wrong with me.. And I don't even know what I'm saying anymore...
This just makes me realize one thing:
Time for some tea. =/