Mental Screen Capture: Sense or the I Pause I

Emotionally drained.

That's the phrase, right at the top, smack center on my mental report. 

It's a mostly empty paper otherwise. There's only these deeply embedded scribbles that aren't visible in ink. An insane number of times other scraps of paper have been kept on this one. And then someone would write on that scrap. These scribbles on my paper, are just the impressions of those writings. Just the ditches they've dug on the surface of my mental report. 

The irony this had led to: the paper appears to be utterly blank, it's touch feels ever so uneven. When you stare at it from the back you could be fooled by the texture, you'd think a kid went insane scribbling all over it. Turning it over, you see it's empty.
And when it's your own mental report, you don't feel the disappointment. Because you're emotionally drained. You're incapable of being provoked. You're indifferent. You live the today just as yesterday, probably like tomorrow. Because that's the mechanism, it may Not be monotonous but it doesn't inspire any emotion either.
And you're tired. Just so tired. On your mental screen, you're searching for the pause button. D.e.s.p.e.r.a.t.e.l.y. You want to pause existence. You don't want a break to a far off Caribbean destination to relax. For now, you don't want a destination to go or a muscle fiber to relax. For now, you want to pause your purposes, your hurdles, your achievements, your existence.
And you know what the strangest part is? Intensely in this state of mind, you still want to stare at these certain eyes.
Because you feel like these eyes are your Pause-button from everything else. They mesmerize you enough, they spread this strange feeling that settles your own existence on a breeze so it gets blown away. And No! you're not supposed to be making them your escape. No, you shouldn't look at them every time you look away from everything else.
No, these are eyes- a door to an existence- not your escape zone. You should stop escaping into their glance.
Somewhere in the stack of idle senses within you, you need to find a heart to do that.
Yet right now, your empty report makes it impossible to take any notes.
Right now, you just add to the ditches dug on it's surface.