A dear stranger indeed.

I've been on a journey of it all with you - the interests, the confessions, the heartfelt words, the genuine actions, the drama, the deceit, the lies, the justifications and now, the ending of a bond I was under the illusion existed. Might as well do the blog post =) This is Not a mental ranting that's bringing you shame or bringing me peace. Its a Record of all the words I would have said, had things not turned out the way they did, had you not become who you are and had you not made the choices you made.

I would have always wished you the best in life, for God to bless you with peace of mind and guidance towards true joy in this life and in the Eternal one.

I would have told you how much you are capable of achieving and all the good you have the potential to cause.
I would have hoped all your qualities make you create a wonderful presence in all the lives you know and love.

And with God as my witness, I still wish you all this and more.

I do not hate you for the choices you made.

But I do recognize you from these choices.  I recognize you for who you have become.

With a bond so intense, a relationship so close - with you and with my family - its inevitable that I figure things out gradually. You see the time I take to collect my thoughts as a lack of trust - What previous incident proves to you my disloyalty? When have I burdened you with dishonesty? Why must I recieve yours?

I cannot say that I'm sorry I'm more obliged to my loved ones then I'm to you. For I love them dearly, as I loved you, I did consider you family. But with the Almighty's grace, it is them I have a duty to love and protect. And I would make the same choice every time, God Willing.

Speaking of God, I called you "His cherished gift to me" once. No regrets. Just not the kind of gift I had foreseen. You have, single-handedly, taught me the meaning of the Hadith that says one shouldn't make a friend so close that they become an enemy.

Jazak Allah for every good intention you ever had towards me.

Good bye - Dear stranger,

May Allah bless you with the ability to chose the truth everytime. Ameen.

Just Lose Yourself.

"I love [insert some action you love], I just lose myself in there".

How easily, how naively we tend to use that phrase. As if it means only the bad within us is capable of being lost, leaving behind the peace for us to enjoy. As if losing oneself is the best, most liberating feeling; should one find such an opportunity, it should be welcomed with open arms.
Does it always deserve the glory?
What about when you lose yourself unintentionally? Even if for a while - what if losing yourself is a direct effect of a bigger - even if better - purpose? What happens when you are so severely lost that you don't remotely resemble yourself? How do you console yourself when you're in tears for things you never felt? How do you justify your emotions in situations you never linked to your own frikkin' self ?
Is losing yourself really that awesome a sensation.. when it feels like everything good about you just walked away in one unanimous move? Is losing yourself really empowering when it disassembles your insides and takes away every shield - rendering you defenseless and meek?
When you don't see it coming, losing yourself can be more than mere joy.. like intense confusion, like excruciating amnesia, like a stormy chaos.
And for a bitter after taste.. the journey of figuring out what went wrong..

Interculture.

You've got it all figured out, the path seems simple. Things are as clear as they can be in a real situation involving real people.

Principles, ethics, religion - its all in place.

Enter: Culture.

And then nothing is. No longer simple or straightforward, the world wobbles and repositions everything. Opinions, feelings, traditions - its all over the place.

Sometimes its too fine a line to walk and ironically, this one excruciating effort of giving in to culture isn't considered a step, let alone a huge one. Forget about the gesture of appreciation, it isn't even respected much. It's like a disease you had and now you better cure yourself, before you throw offences in every possible direction. In some cases, it is ignored just so it 'goes away'. Let's pretend you don't have this disease, so maybe you'll end up cured. In other cases, its considered an inevitable measure so why make a big deal out of it anyway?! Let's all together forget about acknowledging it at all.

I write this from the point-of-view of one who's grown up in a multi-cultural environment - rendering me an amateur in e.v.e.r.y. traditional context.

A word to the wise: respect.

Coffee beans on the couch.

[Found this draft in my archives, that never got published, but I absolutely miss these times! Reminiscent post, actually dated 27th Sept. '10]


Cruising 'round town in a Nissan Coaster Bus at 8.30 in the morning.. looking for an out, from the city to the highway... the change of routes adds the seaside to our view.. a welcome vision indeed. Off to work and the best kinda company.. food, heartfelt words, photoshop, confessions, graphics, warmth.. back on the bus before you know it.

A quick nap on the leather seat.. then the walk home.. chores, messed up sleep routine, messed up appetite. A quick stop in the blogworld.

[Alhamdulilah, for those memories...]

In search..

Raised above the clouds,

Drenched by the tides,

Fluttering merrily about,

Diving dangerously deep.

Soaring through the skies,

Drowning in the seas,

In search of patience,

In search of our peace..

...from the depth of your hearts.

I've an assignment deadline today thats 50% of my grade for the final year of my degree... Regardless of anything else, I cannot think of more ways at this point, and I would like to take a moment here to write this:

Whether you've known me only through this blog or you know me in-person, I would like to request anyone staring at this screen right now to please remember me in your prayers.

Jazak Allah Khair..

Destiny and meaning.

So there are times you feel life has no direction and everything is all over the place, everywhere.. EXCEPT where it should be. Then there are times you don't care, bow ur head n just keep walking through it. Turns out, there are also times where destiny gives you a tiny wake up call for majorly meaningful stuff coming up. It needs you to start paying attention.

I won't dive into cosmic calculations and meteorological meaning here but long story short - i got one of those wake up calls today. It's amazing how life works.. things falling out and in place, events unfolding in the weirdest ways.. I don't mean this in an unpractical optimistic way. It's the reality - things occur in a mystical manner, pieces don't fit and then those very pieces mold themselves into new ones.... and before you know you have new meaning to life. 

Courtesy Destiny. It means a lot.