Subtle Sense

It's the calm after the storm.. They've all been working, praying to calm it, calm me. It's just a fear, I know.. a fear of whether this is yet again, the calm before a storm.. whether the worse is yet to come, or worser yet, it's here. But, Alhamdulilah, it's not. It's over. There's no more turmoil and very little upset. Nothing actually to be termed an upset. Just natural processes, humanly steps.. Why is it almost difficult to accept that there's no more to be anxious about? I haven't always known things to be so chaotic, I've been more used to the calm state of being, Alhamdulilah. Then why does that recent disturbance more real than it actually is? 
Maybe it's because I was taken off guard.. but then again how O-n-T-h-e-A-l-e-r-t can a person be? It's destiny after all, it's life. And the Almighty is our only stable connection to hold on to.. Why on Earth would I look elsewhere for strength?! I won't. Perhaps one of the greater gains I'm rooting for here, is to come out of this soon, and with a much stronger faith InshaAllah. That's the lesson here, I believe: the need to believe harder with deeper faith.
So here's a general request to my non-existent readers, please pray that Dudey strengthens her bonds with the Almighty and settles into her daily routines with a greater sense of Him, drawing strength and peace all through. (Amin).

Happy New Year :)

Yes, for those of you who think I'm a little ahead of the times, I don't mean the upcoming new year on the BC calender but the Islamic New Year! An addition to count of the Hijri.. In remembrance of a Great Journey, made by the Greatest of People, the Beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAWS)... 1434 years ago, He migrated to the City of Madinah to spread the message of His Lord. May the Almighty guide us towards a life based on his principles and Sunnahs. Amin.

Beginning the New Year with a fresh approach: Been facing some fears this past week that require my sole reliance on the Almighty... a strong faith basically.. So the added perspective to that is:

I'm in the hands of the Almighty,

One of His Many Mesmerizing Creations is This: 

I'm Gonna Be Fine  ;) 

Crispy

Fresh and frozen, the memories are just another reminder of a new day.
It's a commitment, true, to get through as you want, but actions do Really speak louder than words.
And at the end of the day, the actions are what will matter. You can write up a whole album of songs for me but you need to get the melody right, with your practice and dedication - music to my ears.

Flippin' Me

Dudey's heart is a grain in the hourglass. 

It keeps flipping back and forth between the two halves - in the future waiting to become present or in the past buried by the present. 

It keeps floating up and down - in the peaceful solitude or in the distrusting isolation.

It keeps being turned around - a new direction, a new era, a new emotion every time. 

Here we go again..!

[Ok so I know it's sort've rude to promise to write blogs more understandable to my readers and then never write back again! In my defense life, has been throwing too many curve balls and splitters at me and if you've played baseball (atleast on Wii, like me) you'd know those are the hard ones to hit home runs on.]

Back to this blog, today I go back to making my famous impressions in the blog world *aalll hail dudey* =P

On a much more humble note, I've been reading this book named "Zen in the Art of Writing" by Rad Bradbury. No, not for this esteemed blog but because finally in my degree for media studies I get to write a creative piece! (It's been essays and research papers so far =X) And I want this piece to paint a word picture of whatever my creativity directs me towards.. (yeah still haven't decided the exact topic) I want it to be something where the words flow and I do not put in great effort to find the right word every two seconds..... and this blog is good practice :P

What I found as a downfall of reading this book so far, and I've gotten only past the first chapter, is .. the first chapter! It's named 'The Joy of Writing'. Like Hello?! Excuse Me.. A Fat Ass " DUHH!!" Coming Through! Why would I be reading about achieving peace as you write........... when I already feel the frikkin' Joy of writing!!!! =@

*Sigh* Nevertheless, time flew through an Absolute-Masterpiece I read recently "The Last Lecture" - the book by Randy Pausch. Had already watched the lecture but this book gave me so much more perspective! Loved his writing style and hope to develop enough of a similar style too. And seriously, wherever you are.. whoever you are... we all come together in this one moment where I ask you to .... READ THAT BOOK! (but watch the lecture first!)

Lastly, I hope to able to blog every day now, as a healthy appetizer to my meal of thesis and creative pieces... followed by a desert of an essay... all due in January that's when things go *burp*.

Ok so having skimmed through Randy's words just now, I'm inspired to leave a few pearls of wisdom here - coming from the past months of hullaballoo and all hell-breaking loose - followed by utter peace :

Such times DO occur where you need to hold on tight to your seat and wait for the ride to get over rather than finding the logic behind every twist and turn. To know when it's that time, is truely a gift from the Almighty. 

Alhamdulilah.

Along the window pane..

It's like we've a glass window in between.. they can see me, I can see them. but we can't cross over to the other's worlds.. I try to, for the sake of helping in some meek way, to get how things are for them.. but they, they can only wonder what's going on on my end.. and they are scared I know, because of the way they stare in with their fearful eyes... hoping nothing blows up on my end, because of what i see in theirs...
I wanna break this window.. I wana crawl through and tear open the reality for them, to shatter thrones and toss crowns.. I wana indulge in what i've been watching for ages...
I don't wana turn my face away from the window.. how can I? it's my only connection to them.. to "Us" .. to Me and Them together, as a unit.. No why the heck would I look away? How self-obsessed and conceited would that make me?
Yet they yearn for me to look away... Why? Just so I hold onto the innocence a little longer, just so I'm a little less wise, a little more naive? That mostly okay when time is all they need to fix things, but no.. they DO need me now to be with them, next to them... not just for the moral support but for the frikkin' sense that's been distributed amongst us .. in a way that one lacks what the other has... we need to contribute and cooperate..
Forget about the hurt, leaving one of us out.. leaves out a part of the common sense we together reign with..
The only thing this window seems to be creating.. is a subtle yet pulsing, everlasting oblivion in me.. and that can't be good, can it?

Gigantic-ville

A couple of summers ago, I watched the early seasons of Smallville (and left it at that, don't judge me =D). And I remember this scene where Chloe tells young Clark Kent that he vents out his sorrow by doing heavy-duty chores on his dad's farm. Hah! I'd thought. Who does that when they're sad? If they were angry I'd understand.. You'd wana throw about a couple of haystacks.. but the sad emotion is more of a subtly pulsing yet chaotic one for me and I always assumed everyone had the same wana-stay-away-from-Planet-Earth feeling as me.
My assumptions came to an end today.. A certain unwanted, sad, feeling had emerged this morning as I sat at work.. The realization of an aspect of my life, that I had realized last week but No! my brain decided to reset the realization from square one.. It's been doing that lately with too many emotions.
Anyways, focusing on this sad feeling for now.. As it grew overwhelming strong, what did I do? Indulge in food for comfort? No. Sleep off the sorrow? Negative. Go watch the sunset? Not at all.
Of all the possible channels for my sorrow, I decided upon..... changing the setting of the Entire Library at our house!! That's 7 Full-sized, Jam-packed Bookshelves!!!
Today's the only day I have to finish the job. Plus my mom, obviously, expects the books to be arranged chronologically/ as per the serial number/ alphabetically and in all other sorts of arrangement options existing.
What was I thinking?! I DON'T KNOW! All I remember from this morning was unloading heavy sets of books from the shelves and feeling the weight on my heart shift to the physical one in my hands. And I kept at it.. till all the bookshelves were empty.
The guys have shifted them around as I'd instructed, the brothers grumbled as I'd expected, the infant-nephew had a hell of a time throwing things about, the ladies of the house nodded in appreciation.. Now I, the sole Tarzan of the family, have to put everything back!
Trust me, when I say it's a GIGANTIC job! Need I mention every family member is a book lover - all 3 generations, well the baby loves to chew at them atleast..
Considering the pattern of things.. my channels for venting out.. the resulting job that lays ahead of me.. for the next 5 hours straight.. I'd pray I'm one happy-go-lucky girl for months to come! =/